Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Dresses, ice cream and tears. .. wanted to add a sentence, but apparently I had more to say
Today I went grad dress shopping with a group of people. It was really awesome! I dont think it was my idea but I pushed for it to happen so I feel kinda like I organized it. Which is cool. Everyone had fun.
Repeatedly I flashed back to previous grades, as far back as grade 8, when my friends and I would frequently peak into dress stores, occasionally venturing to go inside and gape at the pretty gowns. I remember my sister's prom dress quite clearly from two years ago. Last year I was swarmed with descriptions of excited grade twelves' new dresses and even had a taste of it as I bought a simply purple dress for my boyfriend's (at the time) grad. My chest began to swell with deep satisfaction as I sat in the dressing room, watching the girls spin around in bright puffy dresses, eyes sparkling at the glamour of graduating. Dreams of the celebrations to come cleared the air of stress, pain and the dullness of everyday life. It was our turn. I had made it. I felt the swiftness of time passing me by and my eyes filled with tears. I thought this day would never come. I suppose subconsciously I thought I would be forever imprisioned in a dark and meaningless routine. I felt like a passenger on a train winding its way down a blackened dead end tunnel; burning all fuel as an attempt to escape the blackness until painfully crashing into the end of the line. As if I was staring at the window into the bleak stones until today when the darkness opened up to rolling hills leading to the ocean - the train found its exit.
As I looked at the ear to ear grin on my friends face and felt it mirrored on my own I involuntarily thought back to all those nights that I wanted to give up. Those nights when I tried to strangle myself, held knives to my wrists, or swallowed a bottle of pills. I remember lying in bed thinking my life was literally finally over. I remember balling on the phone trying to tell my friend I was going to die. I remember the struggle to carry on and the desire for death. I remember, I remember, I remembered. I realized I've made it. I've made it through high school. I'm in the final years of my teens. It's almost over. I did it. I got through.
I know, I KNOW its not quite over yet. I know that life is full of challenges. I know. I'm just finally past the first step.
In that store, obsessing over graduation, I was overwhelmed with how far I've come. The excitment in that room, the excitment I imagined to come in 10 months, and the excitment about life overwhelmed me. It hit me how differently I view life now. Some things that I thought I would have to endure forever are just a part of the past now. What I used to think was life, was just a caged up ball of confusion. That's not life. When people died, when I was having a bad day, when I was in pain, people would tell me that that's just a part of life. Unfortunately I got the wrong idea. I began to believe that WAS life. I was so wrong.
Yes, pain is a part of life, but a small part compared to everything else it has to offer. Compared to the love and beauty in life, pain is small. If I could only have believed sooner that the 'huge' amount of pain I was feeling was tiny in comparison to everything else life has to offer, things would have been much easier. I was just too small minded and hopeless to believe in so much good.
This has taken me quite some time to type out, but it was all felt in a matter of about a minute. I felt like crying at how lucky I was to know all that now and I felt like crying at how close I was to never having the chance. Then I felt like crying for those who never did get the chance.
My eyes swelled for Kayla, who did see the beauty of life and love through all her radiation, kemo, pain and other challenges. My heart ached for Acacia, who did not see the beauty. I know how lucky I am, how lucky we are, that we've made it this far.
Repeatedly I flashed back to previous grades, as far back as grade 8, when my friends and I would frequently peak into dress stores, occasionally venturing to go inside and gape at the pretty gowns. I remember my sister's prom dress quite clearly from two years ago. Last year I was swarmed with descriptions of excited grade twelves' new dresses and even had a taste of it as I bought a simply purple dress for my boyfriend's (at the time) grad. My chest began to swell with deep satisfaction as I sat in the dressing room, watching the girls spin around in bright puffy dresses, eyes sparkling at the glamour of graduating. Dreams of the celebrations to come cleared the air of stress, pain and the dullness of everyday life. It was our turn. I had made it. I felt the swiftness of time passing me by and my eyes filled with tears. I thought this day would never come. I suppose subconsciously I thought I would be forever imprisioned in a dark and meaningless routine. I felt like a passenger on a train winding its way down a blackened dead end tunnel; burning all fuel as an attempt to escape the blackness until painfully crashing into the end of the line. As if I was staring at the window into the bleak stones until today when the darkness opened up to rolling hills leading to the ocean - the train found its exit.
As I looked at the ear to ear grin on my friends face and felt it mirrored on my own I involuntarily thought back to all those nights that I wanted to give up. Those nights when I tried to strangle myself, held knives to my wrists, or swallowed a bottle of pills. I remember lying in bed thinking my life was literally finally over. I remember balling on the phone trying to tell my friend I was going to die. I remember the struggle to carry on and the desire for death. I remember, I remember, I remembered. I realized I've made it. I've made it through high school. I'm in the final years of my teens. It's almost over. I did it. I got through.
I know, I KNOW its not quite over yet. I know that life is full of challenges. I know. I'm just finally past the first step.
In that store, obsessing over graduation, I was overwhelmed with how far I've come. The excitment in that room, the excitment I imagined to come in 10 months, and the excitment about life overwhelmed me. It hit me how differently I view life now. Some things that I thought I would have to endure forever are just a part of the past now. What I used to think was life, was just a caged up ball of confusion. That's not life. When people died, when I was having a bad day, when I was in pain, people would tell me that that's just a part of life. Unfortunately I got the wrong idea. I began to believe that WAS life. I was so wrong.
Yes, pain is a part of life, but a small part compared to everything else it has to offer. Compared to the love and beauty in life, pain is small. If I could only have believed sooner that the 'huge' amount of pain I was feeling was tiny in comparison to everything else life has to offer, things would have been much easier. I was just too small minded and hopeless to believe in so much good.
This has taken me quite some time to type out, but it was all felt in a matter of about a minute. I felt like crying at how lucky I was to know all that now and I felt like crying at how close I was to never having the chance. Then I felt like crying for those who never did get the chance.
My eyes swelled for Kayla, who did see the beauty of life and love through all her radiation, kemo, pain and other challenges. My heart ached for Acacia, who did not see the beauty. I know how lucky I am, how lucky we are, that we've made it this far.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The beginning of the end.
The first 'first day of school' I remember is Kindergarten. I remember waving good bye, finding my name tag and wondering if the forgotten name tag under 'Rachel' was my cousin or not. Most clearly of all, I remember leaving and getting an ice cream candy.
The next 'first day' that stuck was grade 5. I was curious as to what it felt like to be the new girl at this new school. I got ready hours before hand and was anxiously but excitedly waiting in line as the doors opened. I was seperated from my siblings and put in a room of strangers.
The next first day of school I suppose would be grade 6. It was nice to see friendly faces in a firmilar building; however I spent the day hiding and fearing the surprise arrival womanhood had made that morning.
Grade seven was awkward as I joined the outcasted class of a new school with a shameless friend. I was anticipating the challenges of that year. At least thats what I suppose. There is no clear moment I can recall. It was nice to have a such a loving and loyal peer in a sea of new faces; even if she was a bit weird.
Next is grade 8; new school once again. I clearly remember shy and uncomfortable greetings with people I once new; clinging on to aquantences for dear life. Grade 9 rolled around, apparently too fast for me to etch the details into memory; it was a blur.
Grade 10 was basically the same as grade 8; new school with old firmilar faces. It would have been worse but I was becoming immune to feeling so uncomfortable. My hopes of old friendships sparking immediately went from low to dead as previous best friends only offered a short hello.
By the time grade 11 rolled around with another new school I wasn't dissapointed. I had no expectations. I was pleased when people made small talk and one even girl took the time to welcome me and offer a friendship. It was heart breaking though as it wasn't the school I had fell in love with.
I should add 4 more days as there were changes throughout the middle of the year. Grade 5 I changed around Thanksgiving. Grade 7 I changed after Christmas. Grade 10 I changed around November and February.
Today was my last first day. I started grade 12. I can confidently say it was the best first day of school I've ever had.
The next 'first day' that stuck was grade 5. I was curious as to what it felt like to be the new girl at this new school. I got ready hours before hand and was anxiously but excitedly waiting in line as the doors opened. I was seperated from my siblings and put in a room of strangers.
The next first day of school I suppose would be grade 6. It was nice to see friendly faces in a firmilar building; however I spent the day hiding and fearing the surprise arrival womanhood had made that morning.
Grade seven was awkward as I joined the outcasted class of a new school with a shameless friend. I was anticipating the challenges of that year. At least thats what I suppose. There is no clear moment I can recall. It was nice to have a such a loving and loyal peer in a sea of new faces; even if she was a bit weird.
Next is grade 8; new school once again. I clearly remember shy and uncomfortable greetings with people I once new; clinging on to aquantences for dear life. Grade 9 rolled around, apparently too fast for me to etch the details into memory; it was a blur.
Grade 10 was basically the same as grade 8; new school with old firmilar faces. It would have been worse but I was becoming immune to feeling so uncomfortable. My hopes of old friendships sparking immediately went from low to dead as previous best friends only offered a short hello.
By the time grade 11 rolled around with another new school I wasn't dissapointed. I had no expectations. I was pleased when people made small talk and one even girl took the time to welcome me and offer a friendship. It was heart breaking though as it wasn't the school I had fell in love with.
I should add 4 more days as there were changes throughout the middle of the year. Grade 5 I changed around Thanksgiving. Grade 7 I changed after Christmas. Grade 10 I changed around November and February.
Today was my last first day. I started grade 12. I can confidently say it was the best first day of school I've ever had.
Monday, September 6, 2010
yes. I am insane
I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY. I just had an AMAZING time on the island. I absolutely love it there. I love the place. I love the people. I love the smell.
Before I left on Thursday I was pretty sure I wanted to move to the island; I just didn't think it was practical. Now that I've thought it over I decided I shouldn't give up before I know for sure.
However, as SOON as I walked back in through my house doors the idea seemed so far off and absurd. It seemed insane! Now that I'm typing about it the temptation is still there.
Its different on the island now. I can feel that its not the same, but that's okay. Everything changes, and its good that I realize that. I was afraid that everything would be different. Now I don't have to be afraid. Things have changed, but not in a bad way. I love the city, I love the school. It offers the classes I want. I would love to live on my own. Those are things that will be the same throughout the social dynamics of my friend group.\
Its scary. Change is scary.
I just talked to Diane. Imma stay here.
Before I left on Thursday I was pretty sure I wanted to move to the island; I just didn't think it was practical. Now that I've thought it over I decided I shouldn't give up before I know for sure.
However, as SOON as I walked back in through my house doors the idea seemed so far off and absurd. It seemed insane! Now that I'm typing about it the temptation is still there.
Its different on the island now. I can feel that its not the same, but that's okay. Everything changes, and its good that I realize that. I was afraid that everything would be different. Now I don't have to be afraid. Things have changed, but not in a bad way. I love the city, I love the school. It offers the classes I want. I would love to live on my own. Those are things that will be the same throughout the social dynamics of my friend group.\
Its scary. Change is scary.
I just talked to Diane. Imma stay here.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
NEXT. ... for some reason this isnt publish.
Ahhhh the house to myself. I love it.
I think I've become so used to facebook and text messaging that its become hard to type out actual paragraphs, or sentences even. I don't feel like using imagery or blah blah blah. All I ever want to do is get to the point. Well, I guess thats not the thing that holds me back. Honestly, its the time that I can pour into writing. I love the effect that words can have and can spend 10 minutes on a sentence. If you write carefully, and people read it just as carefully you can share your message and create an intimate understanding. Its not something quick though. To add salt to the wound, I like detail. Such passions are great when writing an essay for school sometimes, but when its purely recreational it makes everything take SO long. I guess I don't really like spending time writing things unless they're the best that I can do. If I know I'm going to do a crappy job on it I want it to the point or short; so thats what I usually do. It kinda robs my soul :P
Did grade nine orientation today. Wanna hear my schedule? GOLLY! I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just wrapping my head around it.
Worked Monday to Friday .. Hung out with Raven and Kirin on Wednesday - can't even remember what we did :/ ... Raven went home Thursday and I had a staff party... Went to Surrey on Friday and had a sleep over with Steph and Christine.... Went to the PNE on Saturday- after 6 hours I went home and crashed... Sunday I went to Church, Football tourny, hung out with Cat and Steph and then went back to Abby
Was at school at 8 on monday... after that just hung out with a bunch of girl friends :)
Was at school at 8 on tuesday .. after that went shopping, then went back to school for course changing then went to see a movie - Jenn and Kirin slept over
Was at school at 7 on Wednesday .. orientation for grade 9s
I was supposed to come home and babysit but the kids aren't here :) Have to go to work though in 2 hours
Tomorrow I'm babysitting all day then leaving for the island. Monday I'll come back and go grad camping. Tuesday is school. Friday I'll hopefully go back to the island. The next Friday is the school dance that I have to not only go to but help out at.
.. :)
My courses for next year..
*work experience
*leadership
SEMESTER ONE:
-Bio
-Math
-Lit
-AP English
SEMESTER TWO: (probably will change)
-French
-Calculus
-AP English
that was all surface. nothing about everything thats been going through my mind. and its already so long! GGGAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHH
Alright. Next activity :)
I think I've become so used to facebook and text messaging that its become hard to type out actual paragraphs, or sentences even. I don't feel like using imagery or blah blah blah. All I ever want to do is get to the point. Well, I guess thats not the thing that holds me back. Honestly, its the time that I can pour into writing. I love the effect that words can have and can spend 10 minutes on a sentence. If you write carefully, and people read it just as carefully you can share your message and create an intimate understanding. Its not something quick though. To add salt to the wound, I like detail. Such passions are great when writing an essay for school sometimes, but when its purely recreational it makes everything take SO long. I guess I don't really like spending time writing things unless they're the best that I can do. If I know I'm going to do a crappy job on it I want it to the point or short; so thats what I usually do. It kinda robs my soul :P
Did grade nine orientation today. Wanna hear my schedule? GOLLY! I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just wrapping my head around it.
Worked Monday to Friday .. Hung out with Raven and Kirin on Wednesday - can't even remember what we did :/ ... Raven went home Thursday and I had a staff party... Went to Surrey on Friday and had a sleep over with Steph and Christine.... Went to the PNE on Saturday- after 6 hours I went home and crashed... Sunday I went to Church, Football tourny, hung out with Cat and Steph and then went back to Abby
Was at school at 8 on monday... after that just hung out with a bunch of girl friends :)
Was at school at 8 on tuesday .. after that went shopping, then went back to school for course changing then went to see a movie - Jenn and Kirin slept over
Was at school at 7 on Wednesday .. orientation for grade 9s
I was supposed to come home and babysit but the kids aren't here :) Have to go to work though in 2 hours
Tomorrow I'm babysitting all day then leaving for the island. Monday I'll come back and go grad camping. Tuesday is school. Friday I'll hopefully go back to the island. The next Friday is the school dance that I have to not only go to but help out at.
.. :)
My courses for next year..
*work experience
*leadership
SEMESTER ONE:
-Bio
-Math
-Lit
-AP English
SEMESTER TWO: (probably will change)
-French
-Calculus
-AP English
that was all surface. nothing about everything thats been going through my mind. and its already so long! GGGAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHH
Alright. Next activity :)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Eventually.
Schools starting again. For the last time.
I like my friends. They're fun. We drew on the side walk with chalk because we're so bad ass.
I rearranged my room last night. Its small so I don't have much to work with but it was fun. Its nice to have a change.
I still haven't found my place here, but I've stopped looking and have started creating.
I like my friends. They're fun. We drew on the side walk with chalk because we're so bad ass.
I rearranged my room last night. Its small so I don't have much to work with but it was fun. Its nice to have a change.
I still haven't found my place here, but I've stopped looking and have started creating.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
draft..
1. Drank alcohol? check
2. Cried? yup
3. Kissed anyone? tehe yeah
4. Been on a vacation to a different state/province? nope
5. Been on a vacation to a different country? nope
6. Been to the beach? yuppers
7. Been to the boardwalk ? ...?
8. picked flowers? mm dont think so :(
9. Died your hair? nope
10. slept all day? haha yeah actually :)
11. Had a sleepover? haha maybe a couple ;p
12. Stayed up all night? perdy much.. :/
13. Slept in your mom/dads bed? no .. ACUTALLY! KIND OF !! :P
14. Went in a pool? course
15. Without a bathing suit? not exactly
16. Been on the computer a lot? yuppers
17. Played video games? i dont know if ive even played one :S
18. Listened to an ipod/mp3 player? yup
19. Been on over 30 car rides? hmm probs? dont count
20. Been grounded: nope :)
21. Been to a party? mmmm yup :)
22. Taken pictures? course
23. Been dumped? nope :)
24. Lied? who keeps track?
25. Done anything against the law? hmm nothing but the norm
26. Been camping? ... not really.
27. Got in a fight? nope :)
29. Stayed at a hotel? nooope
30. Talked on the phone all night? nooope
31. Went shopping? YUP :)
34. Asked someone out? no
35. Got in a car with a stranger? hmmm nope ?
36. Lost someone close? NO THANK GOD!
37. Had someone sleep in your bed? yuppers
38. Been to a movie? yes maam
39. Been to a club? nope
40. Slept in? maybe once :P
41. Got tanned? YEAH KINDA :)
42. Watched TV for more than 5 hours? NOPE
44. Tried something new? course.. !
45. Did homework? no thanks :)
46. Learned something new? course
47. Driven? yes thank you
48. Eaten out? yup yup
49. Went surfing? nooooooooo :(
50. Went dancing? not really
51. Been to a concert? naw
52. Quoted a movie? ?
53. Played with fire? course
54. Gained weight? who knows.
55. Made new friends? yup :)
56. Had a night that you won't forget? fo sho
57. Done something you regret? never.
58. Had some lazy days? yup yup :)
59. Been to a lake? yup yup :)
60. Started liking someone new? nope. not really.
2. Cried? yup
3. Kissed anyone? tehe yeah
4. Been on a vacation to a different state/province? nope
5. Been on a vacation to a different country? nope
6. Been to the beach? yuppers
7. Been to the boardwalk ? ...?
8. picked flowers? mm dont think so :(
9. Died your hair? nope
10. slept all day? haha yeah actually :)
11. Had a sleepover? haha maybe a couple ;p
12. Stayed up all night? perdy much.. :/
13. Slept in your mom/dads bed? no .. ACUTALLY! KIND OF !! :P
14. Went in a pool? course
15. Without a bathing suit? not exactly
16. Been on the computer a lot? yuppers
17. Played video games? i dont know if ive even played one :S
18. Listened to an ipod/mp3 player? yup
19. Been on over 30 car rides? hmm probs? dont count
20. Been grounded: nope :)
21. Been to a party? mmmm yup :)
22. Taken pictures? course
23. Been dumped? nope :)
24. Lied? who keeps track?
25. Done anything against the law? hmm nothing but the norm
26. Been camping? ... not really.
27. Got in a fight? nope :)
29. Stayed at a hotel? nooope
30. Talked on the phone all night? nooope
31. Went shopping? YUP :)
34. Asked someone out? no
35. Got in a car with a stranger? hmmm nope ?
36. Lost someone close? NO THANK GOD!
37. Had someone sleep in your bed? yuppers
38. Been to a movie? yes maam
39. Been to a club? nope
40. Slept in? maybe once :P
41. Got tanned? YEAH KINDA :)
42. Watched TV for more than 5 hours? NOPE
44. Tried something new? course.. !
45. Did homework? no thanks :)
46. Learned something new? course
47. Driven? yes thank you
48. Eaten out? yup yup
49. Went surfing? nooooooooo :(
50. Went dancing? not really
51. Been to a concert? naw
52. Quoted a movie? ?
53. Played with fire? course
54. Gained weight? who knows.
55. Made new friends? yup :)
56. Had a night that you won't forget? fo sho
57. Done something you regret? never.
58. Had some lazy days? yup yup :)
59. Been to a lake? yup yup :)
60. Started liking someone new? nope. not really.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
ALLELUAH
I AM AT A CABIN IN CULTUS WITH MY BESTIE RAVEN. SHE IS FARTING RIGHT NOW. She just slapped her ass. WHAT a weirdo.
WE PARTIED LAST NIGHT! HOLLA! But not actually. We just went for a walk with a couple of drunk guys. One was cute and sweet and the other of course was a creep. Good times. I feel bad for Raven because it was her shoulder that the creeps arm was over and it was her boob that he grabbed. Will, the cute and sweet one, had his arm around moi and was very enticing. Before long we met up with a couple of sixteen year old girls who were about as wasted as the guys so little miss sober Raven and I decided to peace it. The good thing about the night was that we met some neighbours. Cute neighbours. Can you believe it?
I am seventeen. I have my best friend by my side. We're staying at a cabin right by the lake. As we were coming back to the cabin to make our curfew we bumped into a group of muscley men. They turned out to be our neighbours.
WE PARTIED LAST NIGHT! HOLLA! But not actually. We just went for a walk with a couple of drunk guys. One was cute and sweet and the other of course was a creep. Good times. I feel bad for Raven because it was her shoulder that the creeps arm was over and it was her boob that he grabbed. Will, the cute and sweet one, had his arm around moi and was very enticing. Before long we met up with a couple of sixteen year old girls who were about as wasted as the guys so little miss sober Raven and I decided to peace it. The good thing about the night was that we met some neighbours. Cute neighbours. Can you believe it?
I am seventeen. I have my best friend by my side. We're staying at a cabin right by the lake. As we were coming back to the cabin to make our curfew we bumped into a group of muscley men. They turned out to be our neighbours.
Monday, August 9, 2010
XD
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
~ Dr. Seuss
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
~ Dr. Seuss
FREAK.
I can't even say.
I can't even say.
Its scary. Its tempting. It could be wonderful. It would just be a little called my dream.
I can't even say.
Its scary. Its tempting. It could be wonderful. It would just be a little called my dream.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. ~Arthur McAuliff
Try to discover
The road to success
And you'll seek but never find,
But blaze your own path
And the road to success
Will trail right behind.
~Robert Brault
I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind. ~George Bernard Shaw, 28 August 1896
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten? ~Logan Smith
Success and failure. We think of them as opposites, but they're really not. They're companions - the hero and the sidekick. ~Laurence Shames
"Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it, So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that?s where you will find success."
- Thomas J. Watson
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.
David Brinkley
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Bill Cosby
When you feel like a failure, rejoice.
It means you have taken the first step towards success.
-ME ;P
I was thinking that this weekend was a success! I spent it with Raven, and it was awesome. I was so happy :)
So I google-ed some quotes about success to go with the blog.. I don't think any of them fit, but they're inspiring :)
The road to success
And you'll seek but never find,
But blaze your own path
And the road to success
Will trail right behind.
~Robert Brault
I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind. ~George Bernard Shaw, 28 August 1896
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten? ~Logan Smith
Success and failure. We think of them as opposites, but they're really not. They're companions - the hero and the sidekick. ~Laurence Shames
"Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it, So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that?s where you will find success."
- Thomas J. Watson
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.
David Brinkley
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Bill Cosby
When you feel like a failure, rejoice.
It means you have taken the first step towards success.
-ME ;P
I was thinking that this weekend was a success! I spent it with Raven, and it was awesome. I was so happy :)
So I google-ed some quotes about success to go with the blog.. I don't think any of them fit, but they're inspiring :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Dream.
I'm laying here, waiting for my mom to come tuck me in. I want her to sit near me and ask me about my day. I want to pray with her and sooth all my anxieties. I don't want to go to sleep before a big hug and an exchange of "I love you"s. I'm waiting for my sister to hop into bed and for us to start a long conversation about whatever's on our mind. Even if we were to argue, its a real interaction. I'm tired of the small talk.
Monday, August 2, 2010
WEEKEND.
SOOO I was at another cabin this weekend. It was pretty fantastic.
The only downside is that I didn't have any friends with me. There wasn't really room for anyone to come though... and plus there were times when I got to visit with cousins I hadn't seen in a long time that I probably wouldn't have taken advantage of if I'd had friends with me.
I love my cabin. I read. Went fishing. Hung out with this guy named Vince. He had boys my age which he introduced me to and they weren't bad at all.. but I wasn't interested. They were shy and I just didn't care.
Got up there Friday night and went to bed.
Saturday went fishing a lot with Vince and Geoff and Diane. Ate, read and went for walks. Diane had baked cookies!
Sunday I went to Church with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. It was kinda cool, I like the little town. Played with my little cousin Kadence on the way there and slept on the drive back (its about an hours drive into town - left at 8 and got back just before 12).
I ate some more, went fishing again? but didn't catch anything; as usual. Went to help set up for the fishing derby bbq thing with the cousins that I live with (Geoff was the chairman of the fishing derby). Ended up just sitting around with a bunch of adults, listening to their conversation. Floated around on the lake on this blowed up 'relaxation station'. Then actually started setting up for this thing.
Listened to Geoff talk and give out awards. I won a sudoko book and Diane won chairs (which she sold for $50). I ate some more. It was open bar and when I asked, Diane said it was okay if I went up and asked for a cooler. It was funny because she was half encouraging me and half discouraging me ;P I ended up with 3 by the end. They were yummy. I hung out some more with some cousins I hadn't seen in awhile and before I knew it the 'party' was over. There were surprisingly a lot of people around my age, but they were all with friends. If I had had a friend with me maybe I would've gone and mingled or something - at least with the guys - but I was too outnumbered :P
There was this one black guy though that I kept looking at, and he kept smiling back, so if the party was longer I probably could have made a friend. He was cute :)
Went back to my place and snuck a beer :O Chugged it before anyone could find me. Went over and nagged my cousin to go cliff jumping. We did. It was awesome.
Came back and had another beer - with permission (though Geoff didn't know about all the earlier ones). So now we're up to 5. Didn't chug this one, but drank it fairly fast and by this time it was showing.
Went back and hung out... I had been pretty bored but now was enjoying myself quite a bit :P Its funny how alcohol automatically makes things more enjoyable.
The kids wanted me to take them swimming. I did go in the water for a bit, but then the got tired of it.
I met a new 6 month old cousin for the first time! He was ADORABLE.
Eventually, Geoff kept going on about how I was about to pass out and how I should go to bed.. I kept saying I was fine and wasn't near that .. he asked me how I knew.. I shut up :P Apparently I'm not AS much of a loudmouth when I'm drunk anymore. I had a terrible sleep.
Today I woke up early and went for a hike with two of my older cousins. It was a blast! Holy smokes! It was beautiful. We hiked up to old chimney rock, something I've been staring at since I was born. The whole thing took us 6 hours! When I say its a hike, I'm not lying. We were sweating. Personally, I thought it was good bonding time! Both of them aren't actually related to me. They're husbands of my cousins and I've barely spent time with them so I definitely got to know them a little bit better. They were really funny and super nice. My cousins know how to pick 'im ;)
Once we got back, I ate, chatted, looked at the pictures we took, played a game of Candyland, napped, packed up, ate and hit the road. Slept most of the way here (4 hour drive) so I don't feel so bad that its midnight now and I have to work tomorrow morning.
Goodnight world. .. well.. Raven <3 :)
The only downside is that I didn't have any friends with me. There wasn't really room for anyone to come though... and plus there were times when I got to visit with cousins I hadn't seen in a long time that I probably wouldn't have taken advantage of if I'd had friends with me.
I love my cabin. I read. Went fishing. Hung out with this guy named Vince. He had boys my age which he introduced me to and they weren't bad at all.. but I wasn't interested. They were shy and I just didn't care.
Got up there Friday night and went to bed.
Saturday went fishing a lot with Vince and Geoff and Diane. Ate, read and went for walks. Diane had baked cookies!
Sunday I went to Church with my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. It was kinda cool, I like the little town. Played with my little cousin Kadence on the way there and slept on the drive back (its about an hours drive into town - left at 8 and got back just before 12).
I ate some more, went fishing again? but didn't catch anything; as usual. Went to help set up for the fishing derby bbq thing with the cousins that I live with (Geoff was the chairman of the fishing derby). Ended up just sitting around with a bunch of adults, listening to their conversation. Floated around on the lake on this blowed up 'relaxation station'. Then actually started setting up for this thing.
Listened to Geoff talk and give out awards. I won a sudoko book and Diane won chairs (which she sold for $50). I ate some more. It was open bar and when I asked, Diane said it was okay if I went up and asked for a cooler. It was funny because she was half encouraging me and half discouraging me ;P I ended up with 3 by the end. They were yummy. I hung out some more with some cousins I hadn't seen in awhile and before I knew it the 'party' was over. There were surprisingly a lot of people around my age, but they were all with friends. If I had had a friend with me maybe I would've gone and mingled or something - at least with the guys - but I was too outnumbered :P
There was this one black guy though that I kept looking at, and he kept smiling back, so if the party was longer I probably could have made a friend. He was cute :)
Went back to my place and snuck a beer :O Chugged it before anyone could find me. Went over and nagged my cousin to go cliff jumping. We did. It was awesome.
Came back and had another beer - with permission (though Geoff didn't know about all the earlier ones). So now we're up to 5. Didn't chug this one, but drank it fairly fast and by this time it was showing.
Went back and hung out... I had been pretty bored but now was enjoying myself quite a bit :P Its funny how alcohol automatically makes things more enjoyable.
The kids wanted me to take them swimming. I did go in the water for a bit, but then the got tired of it.
I met a new 6 month old cousin for the first time! He was ADORABLE.
Eventually, Geoff kept going on about how I was about to pass out and how I should go to bed.. I kept saying I was fine and wasn't near that .. he asked me how I knew.. I shut up :P Apparently I'm not AS much of a loudmouth when I'm drunk anymore. I had a terrible sleep.
Today I woke up early and went for a hike with two of my older cousins. It was a blast! Holy smokes! It was beautiful. We hiked up to old chimney rock, something I've been staring at since I was born. The whole thing took us 6 hours! When I say its a hike, I'm not lying. We were sweating. Personally, I thought it was good bonding time! Both of them aren't actually related to me. They're husbands of my cousins and I've barely spent time with them so I definitely got to know them a little bit better. They were really funny and super nice. My cousins know how to pick 'im ;)
Once we got back, I ate, chatted, looked at the pictures we took, played a game of Candyland, napped, packed up, ate and hit the road. Slept most of the way here (4 hour drive) so I don't feel so bad that its midnight now and I have to work tomorrow morning.
Goodnight world. .. well.. Raven <3 :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
be jealous 8)
I don't know where to begin, and I have no idea how I'll EVER end. This girl is amazing, fantastic, wonderful, gorgeous, brave, strong, humble, assertive, open, honest, funny, talented, intelligent, sexy, unique, loving, accepting, non-judgmental, and my best friend. I love her to pieces. I love her to bits. She's a keeper and I know it. I don't remember my first impression of her because it was a while before we were introduced and even longer before we were friends. Neither of us can even recall our first meeting or how our friendship exactly was sparked. Nevertheless, we're stuck with each other now.
Our families went to the same church, and my family switched to her school while we both were in gr.5. My sister hit it off with her sister; same with our brothers. However, we weren't in the same class and I left the school before we had a chance to be friends. Both our sisters were in squirettes together and as soon as we were of age we followed suit (11 years old). By that time we were already two peas in a pod. I also distinctively remember going to her house after school every chance I got in gr.6 and probably the end of gr.5 as well.
Whatever it was that brought us together, I'm sure glad it did. She has been my rock, my sun, my vent, my protector and companion through so many years - our friendship has endured much longer than all but one of my relationships. She stuck with me and helped me deal with puberty, boy trouble, moving far away, depression, family issues, new jobs and faith. Along with encouragement and her deep, bright mind she has opened my eyes to so many things I could easily be missing out on with out her by my side. She has helped shape who I am.
I hope she realizes what a difference she's made in my life. I hope she understands the power she holds and all the good she's done and will do. She is a gift to the world and I thank God I was able to have her be such a big part of my life. Big hearted, she is humbly caring. She might not see it, but I do. Whenever I really need her, I know I can count on her to be there. She quickly lets people into her heart and will do her best to protect them and be a good friend. Thankfully, she's got a good head on her shoulders and can take care of herself as well. With out judging, she doesn't follow the crowd and sticks to who she is. Honestly, I'm in shock right now that I know someone so beautiful, let alone have them as my best friend.
When I look at Raven, I see the beauty that radiates from her heart. Looking at some of her photos today however, I was caught off guard with what a gorgeous woman she is. She has beautiful facial features - sexy eyes with an enchanting sparkle, a welcoming, chipper smile created by large supple lips, flawless teeth, and smooth skin covering this angelic face, - accompanied by long brown hair and a thin, toned, elegant figure.
I'm in love with being you're best friend. :)
Our families went to the same church, and my family switched to her school while we both were in gr.5. My sister hit it off with her sister; same with our brothers. However, we weren't in the same class and I left the school before we had a chance to be friends. Both our sisters were in squirettes together and as soon as we were of age we followed suit (11 years old). By that time we were already two peas in a pod. I also distinctively remember going to her house after school every chance I got in gr.6 and probably the end of gr.5 as well.
Whatever it was that brought us together, I'm sure glad it did. She has been my rock, my sun, my vent, my protector and companion through so many years - our friendship has endured much longer than all but one of my relationships. She stuck with me and helped me deal with puberty, boy trouble, moving far away, depression, family issues, new jobs and faith. Along with encouragement and her deep, bright mind she has opened my eyes to so many things I could easily be missing out on with out her by my side. She has helped shape who I am.
I hope she realizes what a difference she's made in my life. I hope she understands the power she holds and all the good she's done and will do. She is a gift to the world and I thank God I was able to have her be such a big part of my life. Big hearted, she is humbly caring. She might not see it, but I do. Whenever I really need her, I know I can count on her to be there. She quickly lets people into her heart and will do her best to protect them and be a good friend. Thankfully, she's got a good head on her shoulders and can take care of herself as well. With out judging, she doesn't follow the crowd and sticks to who she is. Honestly, I'm in shock right now that I know someone so beautiful, let alone have them as my best friend.
When I look at Raven, I see the beauty that radiates from her heart. Looking at some of her photos today however, I was caught off guard with what a gorgeous woman she is. She has beautiful facial features - sexy eyes with an enchanting sparkle, a welcoming, chipper smile created by large supple lips, flawless teeth, and smooth skin covering this angelic face, - accompanied by long brown hair and a thin, toned, elegant figure.
I'm in love with being you're best friend. :)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
wasting time :/
Was the person you last texted/imed single?
yup
Do you get jealous easily?
nope
What are you currently waiting for?
an answer
Do you find yourself thinking more of the past, present, or future?
future
Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
LOTS. REALLY BADLY.
Honestly, did you really love the last person you said I love you too?
Yuppers
Is anything wrong with your eyes?
kinda sorta
Do you have nice eyes?
I like to think so :)
Have you ever received a love letter more than a page long?
Yup.
If something was wrong, who is the first girl you would go to?
Depends what was wrong :(
Who's thinking about you right now?
..... RAVEN ;) ... and whoever else ends up reading it :P
Is this year the best year of your life?
meh
Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Brendan I suppose.. I hope he considers me a friend! :P
How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
Gross.
Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
hahahahahahahahahahahahah zero.
Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
um no.
Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
hmmm Don't think so
Does your bedroom need cleaning?
It doesn't NEED cleaning
Flowers or chocolate?
CHOCOLATE FLOWERS :)
July 4th or St. Patrick's Day?
St. Patrick's Day, no competition.. but I'm Canadian.. and I would def choose Canada day over St. Pattie
Sushi of choice?
The only name I know is California :P
Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
hmmm fast :)
Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex?
I got over cooties a long time ago .. :) .. actually I never believed in cooties
Are you comfortable with your height?
sure.. I THINK I'M ACTUALLY GROWING STILL XD.. which I would be more comfortable with :)
Do you act differently around the person you like?
i think so
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Not really.
Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
mmmm I smile easily :P
Do you like thunderstorms?
YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS :)
Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Sure.. but its not common
How fast does your mood change?
Meh, its not so sparatic these days.. but the right circumstances can change it in an instant
Are there things that can't be joked about with you?
Yup.
When is your birthday?
Feb :)
Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
ummm in a hallway? bus.. skytrain... movie theatre... who knows
Anything on your walls?
yeah,quite a bit :)
What do you bite more, your tongue, lip, or cheek?
No doubt lips :/
Is there something that you want to tell someone but can't?
I'm not mute, so technically I can tell anyone anything.. its more of a want thing
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
mmm not right now. nope.
Do you crack your knuckles?
yuuuckkkkie (no)
Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
yeah sure
This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
yeah :(
Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
sure.. if there was some safety thing in effect
Does anyone know your passwords besides you?
yupppp
What would you do if you found out the person you liked had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
...nothing
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
lemon water.
I bet you miss somebody right now...
SHUTUP.
Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?
um nope.
How many times have you dyed your hair?
once
Can you count past 100?
.. actually?
Would you ever date anyone your parents disapproved of?
yup
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
for how long?
Are you afraid of shots?
a bit
Is there someone you can tell anything to?
sure
Do you lead people on?
ha.. ha... no... :/ .. maybe ?.. kay yea.
At this moment in time if you HAD to have someone's name tattooed on you who's would it be?
Jesus.
Has anyone called you perfect before?
yuuuuup
Do your best friends' parents tend to like you?
I hope
TV channels/shows you watch
... don't watch tv
Are any of your friends taller than you?
mhm
Name the bands you have band tees for:
nonneee
Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
ocean :)
Ever liked someone whose name started with a B?
probs
What's your favorite part of the song you're listening to?
.. not listening to song.
Ever really cried your heart out?
several times.
Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
not at all.
Do you make good grades?
mhm
Is there a difference between love and IN love?
yup.
Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
not yet.
Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't?
meh
Do you speak any other language other than English?
bit of french
Did 2008 treat you good?
don't remember.
Do you think you were raised well?
mhm
Could you name all 50 states and point to them on a map?
no.
Where was the last place you were when you got sick?
don't remember.
Have you ever smuggled anything into America?
not really.
What's your favorite super-hero?
superman.
Can you say the alphabet backwards?
yeah actually :)
Pen or pencil?
depends what I'm doing with it..
Ever had an 11:11 wish come true?
yup.... I think.
Do you get bad headaches?
Lately, but not normally.
What's worse: liars or cheaters?
liars are technically cheaters in a way.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
maybe.. whos to say?
Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
yup.
What's usually colder, your hands or your feet?
its summer. I'm hot.
What’s your favorite type of flower?
Sun.
Give me a random lyric from the song you're listening to:
...
Do you like competition?
yup
Do you think two people can last forever?
... you mean as a couple? or just alive in general.. either way, NO because we all die sometime.
Do you consider yourself lucky?
I consider myself INCREDIBLY lucky! You have no idea. .. well blessed would be a better way of putting it :)
Do you live in a ghetto neighborhood?
not no more :P
Is there someone that cares about you more than themselves?
I dunno :(
Who was the ugliest person you saw today?
didn't see anyone ugly :)
Freedom or safety?
blah! Freedom. To have freedom you have to have some degree of safety, otherwise you're obviously not free.
A book ever made you cry?
yup. Good ol'Harry Potter. and probably more.
Is the world crumbling to pieces?
how should I know?
How many states in the U.S. have you been to?
1.
Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal?
Normal
Will you be in a relationship next month?
not a gf/bf one.
Your phone rings, what do you say?
Hello.
Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?
hahah yeah. technically both :)
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nopppppppe
Do you ever cry during romantic movies?
YUP. .. but not usually cuz of the romance...
Do you always answer your phone?
usually, but not always.
Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
Yup.
Do you like anybody right now?
Meh.
What are you thinking about?
my belly hurts.
yup
Do you get jealous easily?
nope
What are you currently waiting for?
an answer
Do you find yourself thinking more of the past, present, or future?
future
Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
LOTS. REALLY BADLY.
Honestly, did you really love the last person you said I love you too?
Yuppers
Is anything wrong with your eyes?
kinda sorta
Do you have nice eyes?
I like to think so :)
Have you ever received a love letter more than a page long?
Yup.
If something was wrong, who is the first girl you would go to?
Depends what was wrong :(
Who's thinking about you right now?
..... RAVEN ;) ... and whoever else ends up reading it :P
Is this year the best year of your life?
meh
Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Brendan I suppose.. I hope he considers me a friend! :P
How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
Gross.
Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
hahahahahahahahahahahahah zero.
Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
um no.
Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
hmmm Don't think so
Does your bedroom need cleaning?
It doesn't NEED cleaning
Flowers or chocolate?
CHOCOLATE FLOWERS :)
July 4th or St. Patrick's Day?
St. Patrick's Day, no competition.. but I'm Canadian.. and I would def choose Canada day over St. Pattie
Sushi of choice?
The only name I know is California :P
Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
hmmm fast :)
Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex?
I got over cooties a long time ago .. :) .. actually I never believed in cooties
Are you comfortable with your height?
sure.. I THINK I'M ACTUALLY GROWING STILL XD.. which I would be more comfortable with :)
Do you act differently around the person you like?
i think so
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Not really.
Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
mmmm I smile easily :P
Do you like thunderstorms?
YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS :)
Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Sure.. but its not common
How fast does your mood change?
Meh, its not so sparatic these days.. but the right circumstances can change it in an instant
Are there things that can't be joked about with you?
Yup.
When is your birthday?
Feb :)
Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
ummm in a hallway? bus.. skytrain... movie theatre... who knows
Anything on your walls?
yeah,quite a bit :)
What do you bite more, your tongue, lip, or cheek?
No doubt lips :/
Is there something that you want to tell someone but can't?
I'm not mute, so technically I can tell anyone anything.. its more of a want thing
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
mmm not right now. nope.
Do you crack your knuckles?
yuuuckkkkie (no)
Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
yeah sure
This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
yeah :(
Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
sure.. if there was some safety thing in effect
Does anyone know your passwords besides you?
yupppp
What would you do if you found out the person you liked had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
...nothing
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
lemon water.
I bet you miss somebody right now...
SHUTUP.
Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?
um nope.
How many times have you dyed your hair?
once
Can you count past 100?
.. actually?
Would you ever date anyone your parents disapproved of?
yup
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
for how long?
Are you afraid of shots?
a bit
Is there someone you can tell anything to?
sure
Do you lead people on?
ha.. ha... no... :/ .. maybe ?.. kay yea.
At this moment in time if you HAD to have someone's name tattooed on you who's would it be?
Jesus.
Has anyone called you perfect before?
yuuuuup
Do your best friends' parents tend to like you?
I hope
TV channels/shows you watch
... don't watch tv
Are any of your friends taller than you?
mhm
Name the bands you have band tees for:
nonneee
Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
ocean :)
Ever liked someone whose name started with a B?
probs
What's your favorite part of the song you're listening to?
.. not listening to song.
Ever really cried your heart out?
several times.
Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
not at all.
Do you make good grades?
mhm
Is there a difference between love and IN love?
yup.
Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
not yet.
Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't?
meh
Do you speak any other language other than English?
bit of french
Did 2008 treat you good?
don't remember.
Do you think you were raised well?
mhm
Could you name all 50 states and point to them on a map?
no.
Where was the last place you were when you got sick?
don't remember.
Have you ever smuggled anything into America?
not really.
What's your favorite super-hero?
superman.
Can you say the alphabet backwards?
yeah actually :)
Pen or pencil?
depends what I'm doing with it..
Ever had an 11:11 wish come true?
yup.... I think.
Do you get bad headaches?
Lately, but not normally.
What's worse: liars or cheaters?
liars are technically cheaters in a way.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
maybe.. whos to say?
Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
yup.
What's usually colder, your hands or your feet?
its summer. I'm hot.
What’s your favorite type of flower?
Sun.
Give me a random lyric from the song you're listening to:
...
Do you like competition?
yup
Do you think two people can last forever?
... you mean as a couple? or just alive in general.. either way, NO because we all die sometime.
Do you consider yourself lucky?
I consider myself INCREDIBLY lucky! You have no idea. .. well blessed would be a better way of putting it :)
Do you live in a ghetto neighborhood?
not no more :P
Is there someone that cares about you more than themselves?
I dunno :(
Who was the ugliest person you saw today?
didn't see anyone ugly :)
Freedom or safety?
blah! Freedom. To have freedom you have to have some degree of safety, otherwise you're obviously not free.
A book ever made you cry?
yup. Good ol'Harry Potter. and probably more.
Is the world crumbling to pieces?
how should I know?
How many states in the U.S. have you been to?
1.
Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal?
Normal
Will you be in a relationship next month?
not a gf/bf one.
Your phone rings, what do you say?
Hello.
Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?
hahah yeah. technically both :)
Is your birthday on a holiday?
nopppppppe
Do you ever cry during romantic movies?
YUP. .. but not usually cuz of the romance...
Do you always answer your phone?
usually, but not always.
Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
Yup.
Do you like anybody right now?
Meh.
What are you thinking about?
my belly hurts.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
YOU CRAZY.
AHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dislike this font because it's not FULL OF EMOTION. I'm FUCKING EXCITED! AND THIS JUST LOOKS SO .. monotone or bland. I am red like a lobster.
Well this weekend. Ahhh this weekend :)
It was good.
Are you catching on yet?
I think by the end of this post you will perhaps grasp that my weekend was THOROUGHLY enjoyable. VERY ENJOYABLE INDEED. AHHH IT WAS SOOOOOO GOOOOOODDDDD ! XD
Oops. I wasn't going to go on about it because I know that Raven wanted to be there with me and stuff; I don't want to make her feel left out. I hope that she'll be happy that I THOROUGHLY enjoyed my weekend though :) And there'll be other times too!
PLUUUUSSS once I'm done getting all this out on a blog then I won't mention it again. .. Or as much at least :P
(Although there are some things that I don't want to post on the Internet for everyone to see - yes I'm paranoid - and therefore will tell Raven about it on the phone or in person. These are things that she will very much like to know)
So, where to begin?
After endless scheming over the coming up weekend, I had given up hope. Plans for camping with a group of people, which originated in May, fell through. Some people were away on vacation, some had family plans and others just don't have me high on their priority list I suppose. Feeling dejected I half-heartily asked Jenn if she would come up to my cabin on the lake that weekend. She had plans with her boyfriend but she was going to see if she could fit in a short visit to me as well.
My cousins have a nice cabin right on this popular lake; the beach is always crawling with people. It is an ideal place for a couple of teens looking for trouble, but a little intimating for me by myself. Nonetheless, I was excited to go up and soak up the sun! I called Jenn after work on Friday, right before we headed out, just to confirm that she was or wasn't (the latter more likely) coming up at all. To my surprise she said yes - SHE COULD COME FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.
Immediately after I hung up the phone we bolted and picked Jenn up along the way. My stomach was growling so I grabbed a croissant at her place. I wasn't particularly thirsty but we decided to bring the rest of her rum anyways ;)
We went swimming, walked,ate dinner, got ice cream and just chilled. I'm almost surprised we didn't run out of things to talk about! We just kept going and going and going and it was perfect.
After the kids went to bed we went for another walk to find a candy store my cousin mentioned. Luckily we ran into people as soon as we didn't know which turn to take and this one guy offered to show us the way. We found what we were looking for, but its kinda too bad the store was closed when we got there. He was muscular, male and into partying.
We met up with some of the guy's friends and exchanged numbers. At 10:25 we booked it home for our 10:30 curfew. Good thing my cousins aren't as strict as my parents.
Under the cover of darkness we ended the night by going for a dip in the lake. Floating on your back on a calm lake during a warm summer's night is the best way to star gaze.
SATURDAY!
Woke up early to kids screaming. Apparently we were babysitting. Compensated by an invitation to go boating when they got back. Sun was hot and water refreshing. Tubing was hilarious and wake boarding was exciting. Third time on the board; I'm terrible at it, and I love it. Not a bad way to spend a morning; maybe sleeping in is over-rated.
Showered! Such a nice feeling! Ate lunch and laid on the dock. After 3 hours? we headed back inside, got dolled up and decided to find a liquor store. An hour of walking later we decided to turn back.
Boy from last night got us a boot and we picked up our purchase on our way back to the house. Just in time for dinner! .. or what was left of it anyways. :P Cleaned up, downed a few shots (chased with energy drink) and went for geloto. CAN YOU SAY YUM?
Texted our new buddy but with no response we just walked, looking for places suitable for such beverages - not easy with signs forbidding it and families everywhere, not to mention a handful of cops.
Home on curfew but escaped to the dock in front of our cabin and took off as soon as Geoff and Diane were inside.
Heard yells from a near by dock and went to check it out. Three fifteen year old girls with coolers and candies made for a good chat. They went to Holy Cross, my old high school! (Raven! One of them had a thing with Sam Garzitto!!!)
Jenn was walking away, chatting on the phone, and I followed.
Kept on walking and made a fool of myself by going up to a group of random people sitting on the dock. Took it out on Jenn :(
FINALLY met some friendly people going for a swim. They told Jenn to go in too. Without hesitation she hung up the phone, took off her shirt and jumped in!!! XD
Went back to their place to warm up, and had vodka spritzers in our hands pretty much as soon as we were in the door. Can you believe it was a bit sketchy?
It was a really nice house, filled with muscular men drinking and listening to music. There wasn't one girl!! Until later. Jenn was Alex, and I was Samantha; when I had it together enough to remember.
Jenn might be the most loyal person I know. She made sure I didn't drink too much, warned me when a guy was being particularly creepy and didn't respond to any flirting due to her new relationship. She kept her cool and was a blast to be around. At a quarter to 2 in the morning she suggested for likely the 5th time that we should head home. I tried to convince this one guy to go swimming; my way of drawing him away from the party with me. His mommy came to take him home though. What a shame, he was FINE! Was left with his friend, who wasn't a bad fall back. Went for a dip and then headed back to my place. Privately Jenn offered to give the two of us space if I wanted.
SUNDAY.
Woke up with a start, lying next to Jenn in our bed, and threw a shirt on. 5 min later Geoff pops his head letting us know that we have to leave in half an hour. Washed face, brushed teeth, and dressed. Stuffed my clothes into a bag and sat in the car, and left the house at 7:30 IN THE MORNING and went to church.
That would be the end of my memorable weekend at Cultus with Jennifer Morgan :)
I'm burnt from head to foot with the exception of two strips where my bathing suit was. The room hasn't completely stopped spinning yet, though its 1:50 in the afternoon. The nausea and headache seemed to have made themselves at home. All signs of a good weekend :)
I'll recover before all the screaming kids at camp tomorrow right???????? :/
Well this weekend. Ahhh this weekend :)
It was good.
Are you catching on yet?
I think by the end of this post you will perhaps grasp that my weekend was THOROUGHLY enjoyable. VERY ENJOYABLE INDEED. AHHH IT WAS SOOOOOO GOOOOOODDDDD ! XD
Oops. I wasn't going to go on about it because I know that Raven wanted to be there with me and stuff; I don't want to make her feel left out. I hope that she'll be happy that I THOROUGHLY enjoyed my weekend though :) And there'll be other times too!
PLUUUUSSS once I'm done getting all this out on a blog then I won't mention it again. .. Or as much at least :P
(Although there are some things that I don't want to post on the Internet for everyone to see - yes I'm paranoid - and therefore will tell Raven about it on the phone or in person. These are things that she will very much like to know)
So, where to begin?
After endless scheming over the coming up weekend, I had given up hope. Plans for camping with a group of people, which originated in May, fell through. Some people were away on vacation, some had family plans and others just don't have me high on their priority list I suppose. Feeling dejected I half-heartily asked Jenn if she would come up to my cabin on the lake that weekend. She had plans with her boyfriend but she was going to see if she could fit in a short visit to me as well.
My cousins have a nice cabin right on this popular lake; the beach is always crawling with people. It is an ideal place for a couple of teens looking for trouble, but a little intimating for me by myself. Nonetheless, I was excited to go up and soak up the sun! I called Jenn after work on Friday, right before we headed out, just to confirm that she was or wasn't (the latter more likely) coming up at all. To my surprise she said yes - SHE COULD COME FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.
Immediately after I hung up the phone we bolted and picked Jenn up along the way. My stomach was growling so I grabbed a croissant at her place. I wasn't particularly thirsty but we decided to bring the rest of her rum anyways ;)
We went swimming, walked,ate dinner, got ice cream and just chilled. I'm almost surprised we didn't run out of things to talk about! We just kept going and going and going and it was perfect.
After the kids went to bed we went for another walk to find a candy store my cousin mentioned. Luckily we ran into people as soon as we didn't know which turn to take and this one guy offered to show us the way. We found what we were looking for, but its kinda too bad the store was closed when we got there. He was muscular, male and into partying.
We met up with some of the guy's friends and exchanged numbers. At 10:25 we booked it home for our 10:30 curfew. Good thing my cousins aren't as strict as my parents.
Under the cover of darkness we ended the night by going for a dip in the lake. Floating on your back on a calm lake during a warm summer's night is the best way to star gaze.
SATURDAY!
Woke up early to kids screaming. Apparently we were babysitting. Compensated by an invitation to go boating when they got back. Sun was hot and water refreshing. Tubing was hilarious and wake boarding was exciting. Third time on the board; I'm terrible at it, and I love it. Not a bad way to spend a morning; maybe sleeping in is over-rated.
Showered! Such a nice feeling! Ate lunch and laid on the dock. After 3 hours? we headed back inside, got dolled up and decided to find a liquor store. An hour of walking later we decided to turn back.
Boy from last night got us a boot and we picked up our purchase on our way back to the house. Just in time for dinner! .. or what was left of it anyways. :P Cleaned up, downed a few shots (chased with energy drink) and went for geloto. CAN YOU SAY YUM?
Texted our new buddy but with no response we just walked, looking for places suitable for such beverages - not easy with signs forbidding it and families everywhere, not to mention a handful of cops.
Home on curfew but escaped to the dock in front of our cabin and took off as soon as Geoff and Diane were inside.
Heard yells from a near by dock and went to check it out. Three fifteen year old girls with coolers and candies made for a good chat. They went to Holy Cross, my old high school! (Raven! One of them had a thing with Sam Garzitto!!!)
Jenn was walking away, chatting on the phone, and I followed.
Kept on walking and made a fool of myself by going up to a group of random people sitting on the dock. Took it out on Jenn :(
FINALLY met some friendly people going for a swim. They told Jenn to go in too. Without hesitation she hung up the phone, took off her shirt and jumped in!!! XD
Went back to their place to warm up, and had vodka spritzers in our hands pretty much as soon as we were in the door. Can you believe it was a bit sketchy?
It was a really nice house, filled with muscular men drinking and listening to music. There wasn't one girl!! Until later. Jenn was Alex, and I was Samantha; when I had it together enough to remember.
Jenn might be the most loyal person I know. She made sure I didn't drink too much, warned me when a guy was being particularly creepy and didn't respond to any flirting due to her new relationship. She kept her cool and was a blast to be around. At a quarter to 2 in the morning she suggested for likely the 5th time that we should head home. I tried to convince this one guy to go swimming; my way of drawing him away from the party with me. His mommy came to take him home though. What a shame, he was FINE! Was left with his friend, who wasn't a bad fall back. Went for a dip and then headed back to my place. Privately Jenn offered to give the two of us space if I wanted.
SUNDAY.
Woke up with a start, lying next to Jenn in our bed, and threw a shirt on. 5 min later Geoff pops his head letting us know that we have to leave in half an hour. Washed face, brushed teeth, and dressed. Stuffed my clothes into a bag and sat in the car, and left the house at 7:30 IN THE MORNING and went to church.
That would be the end of my memorable weekend at Cultus with Jennifer Morgan :)
I'm burnt from head to foot with the exception of two strips where my bathing suit was. The room hasn't completely stopped spinning yet, though its 1:50 in the afternoon. The nausea and headache seemed to have made themselves at home. All signs of a good weekend :)
I'll recover before all the screaming kids at camp tomorrow right???????? :/
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I'm Canadian. This was a good use of my time.
British
[ ] You drink a lot of tea.
[ ] You know what a brolly is.
[ ] Deal or No Deal has taken over your life.
[ ] You wanted Ben to win X Factor.
[ ] You use the word “bugger” or the phrase “bloody hell.”
[x] Fish and Chips are yummy.
[x] You can eat a Full English Breakfast.
[] You dislike emos almost as much as you dislike chavs.
[] It’s football…not soccer.
Total: 2
Australian
[ ] You wear flip flops all year.
[ ] You call flip flops thongs not flip flops.
[x] You love a backyard barbie.
[x] You know a barbie is not a doll.
[x] You love the beach.
[x] Sometimes you swear without realizing.
[ ] You’re a sports fanatic.
[ ] You are tanned.
[ ] You’re a bit of a bogan.
[ ] You have an australian something
Total: 4
Italian
[ ] The Sopranos is a great show.
[x] Your last name ends in a vowel.
[?] Your grandmother makes her own sauces.
[x] You know how a real meatball tastes.
[ ] You know Italian songs.
[ ] You have dark hair and dark eye color.
[ ] You speak some Italian.
[x] You are under 5’10”
[ ] You know what a Italian horn is
[x] Spaghetti is the best food in the world!
[x] You talk with your hands.
Total: 4
Spanish
[ ] You say member instead of remember.
[ ] You speak Spanish or some.
[x] You like tacos.
[ ] YoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
[ ] You are dark skinned.
[ ] You know what a puta is.
[x] You talk fast occasionally.
[x] You have had highlights or have dyed your hair.
[ ] You know what platanos are.
Total: 3
Russian
[ ] You say villian as: Vee-lon.
[x] You get short tempered.
[x] You know of somebody named Natasha.
[ ] You get cold easily.
[x] Rain is fun for you.
[ ] You get into contests all the time.
[X] You can easily make do with the cold weather.
Total: 4
Irish
[ ] You think beer is the best.
[?] You have a bad temper.
[ ] Your last name starts with a Mc, Murph, O’, Fitz or ends with a ley, on, un, an, in, ry, ly, y.
[x] You have blue or green eyes.
[x] You like the color green.
[x] You have been to a St.Patrick’s Day party.
[Why is this one just under Irish?] You have a family member from Ireland.
[ ] You have blonde hair.
[x] You have/had freckles.
[ ] Your family get togethers always include drinking and singing.
Total: 4
African American
[ ] You say nigga/nukka casually
[ ] You have nappy hair.
[ ] You like rap.
[ ] You know how to shoot a gun
[ ] You think President George Walker Bush is racist.
[x] You like chicken.
[x] You like watermelon.
[ ] You can dance.
[ ] You can ‘sing’ gospel.
Total: 2
Asian
[ ] You have slanty/small eyes.
[ ] You like rice a lot.
[ ] You are good at math.
[x] You have played the piano.
[ ] You have family from Asia.
[x] You laugh sometimes covering your mouth.
[ ] Most people think you’re Chinese.
[ ] You call hurricanes, typhoons.
[ ] You go to Baulko.
Total: 2
German
[x] You like bread.
[x] You think German Chocolate is good.
[does heliga schizer count?] You Speak some German.
[x] You know what Schnitzel is.
[X] You hate it when stupid people call you a Nazi.
[ ] You went to pre-school.
[ ] You’re over 5’2
Total: 4
Canadian
[x] You like/play/played hockey.
[ ] You love beer.
[x] You say eh.
[x] You know what poutine is.
[x] You speak some French.
[x] You love Tim Horton’s.
[x] At one point you lived in a farm house.
[x] You watch/watched Degrassi.
Total: 7
American
[ ] You hate foreigners.
[ ] You hate non - Christians.
[ ] You’re lazy.
[?] You are not cultured.
[x] You hate abortion.
[ ] But love the death penalty.
[ ] You don’t read.
[x] You shop at Walmart.
[x] You think this survey is rather biased.
Total: 3
If you got the most results for British, then title this post as “I’m British”
If you got the most results for Australian, then title this post as “I’m Australian”
If you got the most results for Italian, then title this post as “I’m Italian”
If you got the most results for Spanish, then title this post as “I’m Spanish”
If you got the most results for Russian, then title this post as “I’m Russian”
If you got the most results for Irish, then title this post as “I’m Irish”
If you got the most results for African American, then title this post as “I’m African American”
If you got the most results for Asian, then title this post as “I’m Asian”
If you got the most results for German, then title this post as “I’m German”
If you got the most results for Canadian, then title this post as “I’m Canadian”
If you got the most results for American, then title this post as “I’m American”
[ ] You drink a lot of tea.
[ ] You know what a brolly is.
[ ] Deal or No Deal has taken over your life.
[ ] You wanted Ben to win X Factor.
[ ] You use the word “bugger” or the phrase “bloody hell.”
[x] Fish and Chips are yummy.
[x] You can eat a Full English Breakfast.
[] You dislike emos almost as much as you dislike chavs.
[] It’s football…not soccer.
Total: 2
Australian
[ ] You wear flip flops all year.
[ ] You call flip flops thongs not flip flops.
[x] You love a backyard barbie.
[x] You know a barbie is not a doll.
[x] You love the beach.
[x] Sometimes you swear without realizing.
[ ] You’re a sports fanatic.
[ ] You are tanned.
[ ] You’re a bit of a bogan.
[ ] You have an australian something
Total: 4
Italian
[ ] The Sopranos is a great show.
[x] Your last name ends in a vowel.
[?] Your grandmother makes her own sauces.
[x] You know how a real meatball tastes.
[ ] You know Italian songs.
[ ] You have dark hair and dark eye color.
[ ] You speak some Italian.
[x] You are under 5’10”
[ ] You know what a Italian horn is
[x] Spaghetti is the best food in the world!
[x] You talk with your hands.
Total: 4
Spanish
[ ] You say member instead of remember.
[ ] You speak Spanish or some.
[x] You like tacos.
[ ] YoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
[ ] You are dark skinned.
[ ] You know what a puta is.
[x] You talk fast occasionally.
[x] You have had highlights or have dyed your hair.
[ ] You know what platanos are.
Total: 3
Russian
[ ] You say villian as: Vee-lon.
[x] You get short tempered.
[x] You know of somebody named Natasha.
[ ] You get cold easily.
[x] Rain is fun for you.
[ ] You get into contests all the time.
[X] You can easily make do with the cold weather.
Total: 4
Irish
[ ] You think beer is the best.
[?] You have a bad temper.
[ ] Your last name starts with a Mc, Murph, O’, Fitz or ends with a ley, on, un, an, in, ry, ly, y.
[x] You have blue or green eyes.
[x] You like the color green.
[x] You have been to a St.Patrick’s Day party.
[Why is this one just under Irish?] You have a family member from Ireland.
[ ] You have blonde hair.
[x] You have/had freckles.
[ ] Your family get togethers always include drinking and singing.
Total: 4
African American
[ ] You say nigga/nukka casually
[ ] You have nappy hair.
[ ] You like rap.
[ ] You know how to shoot a gun
[ ] You think President George Walker Bush is racist.
[x] You like chicken.
[x] You like watermelon.
[ ] You can dance.
[ ] You can ‘sing’ gospel.
Total: 2
Asian
[ ] You have slanty/small eyes.
[ ] You like rice a lot.
[ ] You are good at math.
[x] You have played the piano.
[ ] You have family from Asia.
[x] You laugh sometimes covering your mouth.
[ ] Most people think you’re Chinese.
[ ] You call hurricanes, typhoons.
[ ] You go to Baulko.
Total: 2
German
[x] You like bread.
[x] You think German Chocolate is good.
[does heliga schizer count?] You Speak some German.
[x] You know what Schnitzel is.
[X] You hate it when stupid people call you a Nazi.
[ ] You went to pre-school.
[ ] You’re over 5’2
Total: 4
Canadian
[x] You like/play/played hockey.
[ ] You love beer.
[x] You say eh.
[x] You know what poutine is.
[x] You speak some French.
[x] You love Tim Horton’s.
[x] At one point you lived in a farm house.
[x] You watch/watched Degrassi.
Total: 7
American
[ ] You hate foreigners.
[ ] You hate non - Christians.
[ ] You’re lazy.
[?] You are not cultured.
[x] You hate abortion.
[ ] But love the death penalty.
[ ] You don’t read.
[x] You shop at Walmart.
[x] You think this survey is rather biased.
Total: 3
If you got the most results for British, then title this post as “I’m British”
If you got the most results for Australian, then title this post as “I’m Australian”
If you got the most results for Italian, then title this post as “I’m Italian”
If you got the most results for Spanish, then title this post as “I’m Spanish”
If you got the most results for Russian, then title this post as “I’m Russian”
If you got the most results for Irish, then title this post as “I’m Irish”
If you got the most results for African American, then title this post as “I’m African American”
If you got the most results for Asian, then title this post as “I’m Asian”
If you got the most results for German, then title this post as “I’m German”
If you got the most results for Canadian, then title this post as “I’m Canadian”
If you got the most results for American, then title this post as “I’m American”
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Suck it up, bitch.
I've been very frusterated lately. I suppose my period should start soon. Its usually ever 3 weeks, I think its been over now. Last time it only lasted for barely two days, when usually its a solid 5 at least. A couple of days ago I thought it had started, and it fit with timing and hormones.. but nope. I'm happy I don't have to worry about being preggers :)
I'm frusterated with people at work. Oh well. The kids are safe and happy most of the time. Its fun to people watch I suppose. REMEMBER: Don't react and stress; observe and be amused. :) Let the bosses take care of it ;)
I don't like responding to comments really. I started the blog for the same reason Raven did. But then my motives changed. Turned more into a diary, an outlet. I don't want it to be a discussion really. Sorry hun. Comments are fine though :) <3
I have much much much more to say, but Geoff is coming in to take back his computer, so I'll put it away for now.
I miss you Raven.
I'm frusterated with people at work. Oh well. The kids are safe and happy most of the time. Its fun to people watch I suppose. REMEMBER: Don't react and stress; observe and be amused. :) Let the bosses take care of it ;)
I don't like responding to comments really. I started the blog for the same reason Raven did. But then my motives changed. Turned more into a diary, an outlet. I don't want it to be a discussion really. Sorry hun. Comments are fine though :) <3
I have much much much more to say, but Geoff is coming in to take back his computer, so I'll put it away for now.
I miss you Raven.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
SPEED.
I'm reading a book written in poems about someone on meth.
I worked today. Kids were cute, but I don't remember what they said. Its really cute to see their little obsessions; one boy loved the movie Mama Mia.
I've only done something once this work week after work. Well on Monday I saw my friend Josie in the morning and Tuesday I hung out with Jenn so I suppose it was really only yesterday after work that I didn't go out. Maybe I would have done something tonight, but I have to work at 7. 7 till 10 and then a 40 min walk home. And get up at 6:30? Maybe I'll push it back to 7? At least tomorrows the weekend, not to mention pay day! Though I'm planning on saving my money. I don't like saving.
I'm used of being on the go all the time, this is slightly uncanny (I've been meaning to use that word for awhile).
Yesterday my devotion was: "You shall not covet" Exodus 20: 17 (and I read the passage Ex 20:1-17)
The little summary was saying that this commandment is of high importance and that all sins come from wanting something you don't have.
"When we don't covet we pretty much eliminate our reasons to disobey the other commands." - Julie Link
True, a lot of my sins do derive from such a concept, but is it actually wrong to want? Good comes of wanting as well, doesn't it? Is it wrong to want to move to the island, even though I'm happy with everything here? Is it wrong to want a promotion?
"When you covet someone else's things,
Thinking that they're better than your own,
Just remember that God's gifts to you
Were designed for you and you alone." - Hess
"Contentment is realizing that God has already given me all I need."
I think thats a really comforting thought, that you have everything you already need. But.. are we not allowed to have more than we need?
And without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would approach him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6
Does that mean if you don't believe in God,or in anything, then you can't go to heaven? It might not be that he rejects those who do not believe, but that their disbelief blocks the path to meet him.
Hebrews 12:7 is interesting as well.. but doesn't really get at my point. Something to read though for sure! Sheesh! Why wasn't the bible this interesting when I was taking religion and catechism? :P
BLAH. I have to go to work now.
I worked today. Kids were cute, but I don't remember what they said. Its really cute to see their little obsessions; one boy loved the movie Mama Mia.
I've only done something once this work week after work. Well on Monday I saw my friend Josie in the morning and Tuesday I hung out with Jenn so I suppose it was really only yesterday after work that I didn't go out. Maybe I would have done something tonight, but I have to work at 7. 7 till 10 and then a 40 min walk home. And get up at 6:30? Maybe I'll push it back to 7? At least tomorrows the weekend, not to mention pay day! Though I'm planning on saving my money. I don't like saving.
I'm used of being on the go all the time, this is slightly uncanny (I've been meaning to use that word for awhile).
Yesterday my devotion was: "You shall not covet" Exodus 20: 17 (and I read the passage Ex 20:1-17)
The little summary was saying that this commandment is of high importance and that all sins come from wanting something you don't have.
"When we don't covet we pretty much eliminate our reasons to disobey the other commands." - Julie Link
True, a lot of my sins do derive from such a concept, but is it actually wrong to want? Good comes of wanting as well, doesn't it? Is it wrong to want to move to the island, even though I'm happy with everything here? Is it wrong to want a promotion?
"When you covet someone else's things,
Thinking that they're better than your own,
Just remember that God's gifts to you
Were designed for you and you alone." - Hess
"Contentment is realizing that God has already given me all I need."
I think thats a really comforting thought, that you have everything you already need. But.. are we not allowed to have more than we need?
And without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would approach him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6
Does that mean if you don't believe in God,or in anything, then you can't go to heaven? It might not be that he rejects those who do not believe, but that their disbelief blocks the path to meet him.
Hebrews 12:7 is interesting as well.. but doesn't really get at my point. Something to read though for sure! Sheesh! Why wasn't the bible this interesting when I was taking religion and catechism? :P
BLAH. I have to go to work now.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Raven?
I don't have anything interesting to say today (anything that anybody with a brain would find interesting). Today was not an interesting day (thats another lie). I want to go for a run, but my knee was really sore today, so it probably wouldn't be the best idea. Maybe I could go swimming, but the pool is a half an hour walk away. Doing a bunch of sit ups is no fun.
I think I'll just have a bath and read :) YAYYY FOR READING.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND ETERNITY WE ARE ALL INSIGNIFICANT AND ALL OUR PAIN AND JOYS MEAN NOTHING. Its not a nice thought. It induces an intensified version of the emotion you feel when running around in big circles to nowhere.
Raven, I love you. You're the only person who reads my blog and props to you! I'll dedicate a whole blog to you asap, but right now I just don't have that UMPH to do you justice <3
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.
-Thomas Holdcroft
I think I'll just have a bath and read :) YAYYY FOR READING.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND ETERNITY WE ARE ALL INSIGNIFICANT AND ALL OUR PAIN AND JOYS MEAN NOTHING. Its not a nice thought. It induces an intensified version of the emotion you feel when running around in big circles to nowhere.
Raven, I love you. You're the only person who reads my blog and props to you! I'll dedicate a whole blog to you asap, but right now I just don't have that UMPH to do you justice <3
Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.
-Thomas Holdcroft
Monday, July 5, 2010
KALT DIK
6 year old: Miss Sunshine! Miss Sunshine!
Me: Hang on. Hang on.
6 year old: But Miss Sunshine! Miss Sunshine!
Me: Just hang on okay?
6 year old: MISS SUNSHINNNEEEE!
Me: *ignoring him beacause I'm talking to someone else, then..* Alright, what is it?
6 year old: Miss Sunshine, I'm,I'm not allergic to anything. (:P)
5 year old: NO! You can't sit there! I'm saving it for Miss Sunshine! (:D)
6 year old: Is my water peanut free? (??)
5 year old: He was bullying me!
Me: Well, did you tell him you didn't like it?
5 year old: I told him he had no brains and three noses, but he just wouldn't listen up! (XD)
7 year old: {between sobs} I miss my mom! I just wish my daddy and mommy were together so I wouldn't have to go back and forth between them. (
I'm working at a summer camp with kids ages 5-12 for the next two months. Today was my first day, and I realized I'm going to have to keep a record of the things they say, they are just priceless. I love kids.
Me: Hang on. Hang on.
6 year old: But Miss Sunshine! Miss Sunshine!
Me: Just hang on okay?
6 year old: MISS SUNSHINNNEEEE!
Me: *ignoring him beacause I'm talking to someone else, then..* Alright, what is it?
6 year old: Miss Sunshine, I'm,I'm not allergic to anything. (:P)
5 year old: NO! You can't sit there! I'm saving it for Miss Sunshine! (:D)
6 year old: Is my water peanut free? (??)
5 year old: He was bullying me!
Me: Well, did you tell him you didn't like it?
5 year old: I told him he had no brains and three noses, but he just wouldn't listen up! (XD)
7 year old: {between sobs} I miss my mom! I just wish my daddy and mommy were together so I wouldn't have to go back and forth between them. (
I'm working at a summer camp with kids ages 5-12 for the next two months. Today was my first day, and I realized I'm going to have to keep a record of the things they say, they are just priceless. I love kids.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
stolen :)
“If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.” -- Milton Berle
“All our dreams can come true...if we have the courage to pursue them.” -- Walt Disney
"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?" -- Mary Oliver
"You are not your story." -- Ms. Peters
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain." -- Anonymous
"Our lives are like a candle in the wind." -- Carl Sandburg
"The next time it begins to rain... lie down on your belly, nestle your chin into the grass, and get a frog's-eye view of how raindrops fall... The sight of hundreds of blades of grass bowing down and popping back up like piano keys strikes me as one of the merriest sights in the world." -- Malcolm Margolin
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." -- Doug Larson
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them." -- Anonymous
“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's.” -- Billy Wilder
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -- Dr. Seuss
"Missing someone gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will." -- Anonymous
"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly." -- R. Buckminster Fuller
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -- Marilyn Monroe
"Be who you are, and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind." -- Dr. Seuss
"Everyone in life is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain." -- Anonymous
"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." -- Agatha Christie
"Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise." -- Alice Walker
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." -- Annie Dillard
"If you try to let everything in your life run their course, eventually everything is going to collide." -- Hamza Zain
"The most difficult thing for a parent to realize is that their children aren't angels." -- Laurie Creery
“All our dreams can come true...if we have the courage to pursue them.” -- Walt Disney
"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?" -- Mary Oliver
"You are not your story." -- Ms. Peters
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain." -- Anonymous
"Our lives are like a candle in the wind." -- Carl Sandburg
"The next time it begins to rain... lie down on your belly, nestle your chin into the grass, and get a frog's-eye view of how raindrops fall... The sight of hundreds of blades of grass bowing down and popping back up like piano keys strikes me as one of the merriest sights in the world." -- Malcolm Margolin
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." -- Doug Larson
"If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I would be at the bottom to catch them." -- Anonymous
“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's.” -- Billy Wilder
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -- Dr. Seuss
"Missing someone gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will." -- Anonymous
"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly." -- R. Buckminster Fuller
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -- Marilyn Monroe
"Be who you are, and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind." -- Dr. Seuss
"Everyone in life is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain." -- Anonymous
"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." -- Agatha Christie
"Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise." -- Alice Walker
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." -- Annie Dillard
"If you try to let everything in your life run their course, eventually everything is going to collide." -- Hamza Zain
"The most difficult thing for a parent to realize is that their children aren't angels." -- Laurie Creery
Saturday, May 8, 2010
FINALLY.
Soooo my outlook on life started declining in gr.5, and I think gr.8 was when depression started to cloud my thoughts. By the time gr.10 rolled around shit hit the fan and depression totally engulfed me. I started counselling and eventually went on depression medication and things started to look up, I even moved away to kind of get a fresh start. I stayed in counselling but I thought I could handle things without the depression medication and so I stopped cold turkey and as most people could guess things started going downhill again. I decided to go right back on the depression pills a couple weeks after, but sometimes I thought a few more pills would help me along. One day I took a few extra, and then a few more and kept going until I lost count and the bottle was empty. I spent the next week in the hospital and was put in foster care when I was released. I decided to put off killing myself until I was sure that it was the only option. I kept going to counselling and eventually moved in with my cousins. Its a year later now and it brings me joy to announce that my counselling sessions are officially over because my depression is over. Don't think for a second that it wasn't a lot of hard work. At some moments I completely lost hope, but now I can honestly say that I am happy. I feel like a completely different person! I can barely comprehend how distressed I used to be and I doubt that I'll ever sink that low for that long again. Thanks to my family, friends, teachers and counselors I have developed skills that will get me through the highs and lows of life. I did it, with your help, and its finally over :)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
WORDVOMIT:)
Sooo my 'guardians' are away in Vegas, and I actually kind of miss them :/
My aunt and uncle are watching over me and the little ones, and I'm babysitting right now because my uncle fell and did something to his ribs or something and now is in the emergency room.
My brother got threatened by some kid because he tried to intervene in a fight. School admin and cops know, so he should be safe on school grounds, but he doesn't seem to give a shit and skips class and takes off without telling anyone. My dad blames it on the rap music.
.. what else?
An old friend of mine has cancer and I have no idea how she's doing. I suppose it doesn't make the least of difference to me now, but she's a good person and I would hate for anything to happen to her :(
.. is that all..?
Hmm..
Well I have a few tests tomorrow.. Like stuff for University and College.
KK well how should I solve this? Well theres nothing to solve, but how should I .. proceed?
I just feel so anxious and afraid :( And really tired. I'm going to shower then blow dry my hair and then straighten it. *SIGH*
OH SHIT. I needed info from my parents.. suppose I'll just call them in the morning..? :/
*SIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHH* and a couple of hours ago I was in the best mood. :)
My aunt and uncle are watching over me and the little ones, and I'm babysitting right now because my uncle fell and did something to his ribs or something and now is in the emergency room.
My brother got threatened by some kid because he tried to intervene in a fight. School admin and cops know, so he should be safe on school grounds, but he doesn't seem to give a shit and skips class and takes off without telling anyone. My dad blames it on the rap music.
.. what else?
An old friend of mine has cancer and I have no idea how she's doing. I suppose it doesn't make the least of difference to me now, but she's a good person and I would hate for anything to happen to her :(
.. is that all..?
Hmm..
Well I have a few tests tomorrow.. Like stuff for University and College.
KK well how should I solve this? Well theres nothing to solve, but how should I .. proceed?
I just feel so anxious and afraid :( And really tired. I'm going to shower then blow dry my hair and then straighten it. *SIGH*
OH SHIT. I needed info from my parents.. suppose I'll just call them in the morning..? :/
*SIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHH* and a couple of hours ago I was in the best mood. :)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
GO TO BED D:
THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID:
1. I like slides.
2. I'm afraid of irrational things.
3. I live for cookies :)
THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. Complain about change and how things used to be.
2. I groan as my body cracks and complain about my sore body
3. Like to go to bed early.
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. Go to sleep.
2. Eat.
3. Be happy.
THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL “BOY”:
1. I like sports.
2. Make dirty jokes
3. I like getting dirty.
THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “GIRL”:
1. I love doing make up and hair
2. I talk about boys WAY too much
3. I think I'm fat :P
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my eyelashes
2. my strangeness
3. my nose
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I don't take my own advice
2. I am too much of a people pleaser
3. I care way too much
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. CANADIAN
2. British
3. Irish
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. failure
2. hell
3. depression
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME...WHATEVER YOU LIKE) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. smile
2. eyes
3. chest&butt :)
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. spin my head all the way around
2. be on time :P
3. eat a slug
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. business owner
2. hairstylist/make up artist
3. PR person for a company
ONE thing you wish you could say to someone right now:
1. good night
EIGHT ways to win my heart:
1. Don't give up on me.
2. Be there for me.
3. Be playful, but treat me with respect
4. Include me in your hobbies
5. Be interested in mine
6. Be vulnerable, open and honest
7. Ask me to go to church with you, and pray with me
8. Be humble
SEVEN people who mean a lot to you:
No. I refuse to do these.
SIX things that you can't live without:
1. Food
2. Water
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Hope
6. Laughter
FIVE things that cross your mind a lot
1. the future
2. scheduling
3. boys
4. food
5. the meaning behind everything
FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Facebook
2. Email
3. Brush teeth, wash face
4. Set alarm clock
THREE things that make you happy:
1. Love
2. Laughter
3. Good food :P
TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. Have a family of my own
2. DANCE.
ONE secret that you’re keeping from everyone:
1. Well, if I say it , it wouldn't be a secrent now, would it?
1. I like slides.
2. I'm afraid of irrational things.
3. I live for cookies :)
THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. Complain about change and how things used to be.
2. I groan as my body cracks and complain about my sore body
3. Like to go to bed early.
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. Go to sleep.
2. Eat.
3. Be happy.
THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL “BOY”:
1. I like sports.
2. Make dirty jokes
3. I like getting dirty.
THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “GIRL”:
1. I love doing make up and hair
2. I talk about boys WAY too much
3. I think I'm fat :P
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my eyelashes
2. my strangeness
3. my nose
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I don't take my own advice
2. I am too much of a people pleaser
3. I care way too much
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. CANADIAN
2. British
3. Irish
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. failure
2. hell
3. depression
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME...WHATEVER YOU LIKE) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. smile
2. eyes
3. chest&butt :)
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. spin my head all the way around
2. be on time :P
3. eat a slug
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. business owner
2. hairstylist/make up artist
3. PR person for a company
ONE thing you wish you could say to someone right now:
1. good night
EIGHT ways to win my heart:
1. Don't give up on me.
2. Be there for me.
3. Be playful, but treat me with respect
4. Include me in your hobbies
5. Be interested in mine
6. Be vulnerable, open and honest
7. Ask me to go to church with you, and pray with me
8. Be humble
SEVEN people who mean a lot to you:
No. I refuse to do these.
SIX things that you can't live without:
1. Food
2. Water
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Hope
6. Laughter
FIVE things that cross your mind a lot
1. the future
2. scheduling
3. boys
4. food
5. the meaning behind everything
FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Facebook
2. Email
3. Brush teeth, wash face
4. Set alarm clock
THREE things that make you happy:
1. Love
2. Laughter
3. Good food :P
TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. Have a family of my own
2. DANCE.
ONE secret that you’re keeping from everyone:
1. Well, if I say it , it wouldn't be a secrent now, would it?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
re:
It gets a little messy
But she's got her own style
It lies not in comfy patterns
But unknown shapes and designs
Covering desperation with depth
Memories paint a sentimental shade
Salty tears blend the background
She's got her own style
No matter how her arm may tire
She will pick up the paintbrush
And conceive her own rainbow
The pot of gold at her disposal
For her canvas was a gift
And paints a donation
Unwrapped with family
As friends ensure proper keeping
It gets a little messy
As she's only just begun
She's got her own style
And in that her impending beauty shines
Friday, April 9, 2010
rand
I think saying goodbye might be a talent of mine now; I'm getting pretty good.
1)Keep atmosphere happy
2)Stay in the moment
3)Propose a plausible plan to keep in touch
4)Get out of there as soon as the words I'll miss you/Goodbye are said (this way they won't be repeated.)
I'm missing me buds on the Island.I'm glad I got to see them and I know I'll be back there eventually. I suppose its intensified by the fact that the scheme to live there asap has been sparked up again and I've been thinking about it quite a bit.
Alright, so I'm bummed that my besties aren't here at the moment (including those in Surrey). How can I take advantage of tonight?
Well I have to figure out what I'm doing tomorrow morning for work, and come up with a plan for my soccer practice. I'll do them first. Or should I clean up the kitchen?
How about this? I'll figure out tomorrow morning, then clean up the kitchen, then bathe and then soccer?
I've also been focusing on my increasing weight. FUCK I HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY. I've decided that I'm worth having a healthy lifestyle. I like life and I think that being healthy and fit is the best way to enjoy it. I'm worth it and I'm going to fight for it :)
Caterpillar: Who are YOU?
Alice: ...I hardly know, sir... at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.
"Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now"
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels ... And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?" Einstein
Friday, March 12, 2010
Transforming transitions
FUCK THIS. I HATE self pity. I'm feeling sorry for myself because I feel alone and forgotten. Not even that! I just feel unimportant and utterly irrelevant. I know that my friends love me and they've done all they can.
I've had the chance to meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends, and the price of that seems to be that I don't get to keep them all. The memories are exchanged for the heartbreak with every goodbye.
I've learned a lot and grown in many ways, perhaps a little early. I have plenty of things to be thankful for and I shouldn't dwell on the down sides, but it's not easy. I miss so many people and I envy people who have lived in the same house for their whole lives, gone to the same school with the same people and have created a niche for themselves.
I've got a home to go back to, a place where memories paint a sentimental shade throughout the blocks. Even the people remain the same. Perhaps thats the glitch however. They go around layering their canvas with everyday images, where as mine is framed unfinished.
Or perhaps I took it with me and painted new colours. New shapes and designs added depth and durability to the piece of art. It was tricky in the beginning to learn the proper uses of the foreign materials but I eventually caught on. It began to transform from the mess of confusion and transition to a beautiful combination of background, foreground and the new technique of translucent hope. This average technique when unidentified by the average observer but its mystical impression was easily identified by those that studied. Its insurmountable effect was finally obvious as it was diluted by a flood of salty tears and left the painting lacking in magic.
The foreground and background were blurred, making room for the artist to yet again attempt her masterpiece. The artist grows tired as the candle light burns dim. She envies the others who delve in familiar tones with proven tools and create a patterned display full of comfort and security.
The painting is her life. She can not leave it blank or unfinished. No matter how her arm may tire she will pick up the paintbrush. Mixing curiously deep and beautiful colours she will conceive her own rainbow and portray the pot of gold at her choosing.
It gets a little messy
But she's got her own style
It lies not in comfy patterns
But unknown shapes and designs
Covering desperation with depth
Memories paint a sentimental shade
As salty tears blend the background
Void are firmilar tones and proven tools
So it gets a little messy
But she's got her own style
No matter how her arm may tire
She will pick up the paintbrush
Mixing curiously deep and beautiful colours
She will conceive her own rainbow
The pot of gold at her disposal
For her canvas was a gift
And paints a donation
Unwrapped with family
At the expense of teachers
As friends ensure proper keeping
It gets a little messy
As she's only just begun
No masterpiece is promised
But she's got her own style
And in that her impending beauty shines
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
How about you?
I might be missing out.
God seems like such a powerful, liberating and wonderfully awesome concept, but I've lost my grasp on faith. I haven't forgotten though. I don't understand what possible purpose God could have for me. It's not low self-esteem. I do not understand what possible purpose God could have for ANYONE. Earth is so little and one day won't even exist anymore. No one will be around to feel the affects of the lives of ancestors, let alone to remember. Perhaps one can argue that the eternal lives of others will be affected somehow by my actions but I think that goes against the justness of the whole idea. Whether or not someone ends up in heaven should not be connected to my actions at all, because then their fate is affected by my free will, or THEIR free will is not really free as it is dependent upon my actions.
It'd be nice to live with purpose again. I would like to live, not just exist.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Cuz when a heart break, it don't break even.
I don't want to go to school today, but I probably will.
I hate sorrys and I hate goodbyes.
I miss so many people. I do get to see them though sometimes. I guess it'll have to be enough. I have soccer tryouts today and I'm really freaked. All of a sudden I don't know if I want to play. Well I have to do my english. Wish me good luck. Good morning world. Oh right, today was supposed to be a new fresh day! Alright! So things will work out, I will have a good day! ....
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Anyone who thinks happiness comes from sunshine has never danced in the rain
eating makes me feel better.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
maybe im glad no one every reads these :)
hello sappy teenage feelings. Gosh! I can not stop thinking about you! HONESTLY I think about you ALL the time. Not enough for you to be creeped out though, don't worry. But GAH! I want to kiss you and sometimes I can't focus in class. This morning just knowing there were people like you in the world honestly was what got me out of bed. I love you. There I said it. I love you. I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU! To be truthful, you are dorky and weird but thats not anything to take offence to. I really REALLY wish I could see you everyday. Seriously, that would make my life SO much better. You are SO sweet. I love you. I LOVE YOU.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
quotes quotes quotes
*it don't have to be perdy; it just has to be loud -Mike Patin *an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind -Gandhi *you must be the change you want to see in the world -Gandhi WWJD *What would Jesus do? *dont be afraid to be who you are because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind -Dr.Seuss *a persons a person, no matter how small -Dr.Seuss *one is never fully dressed without a smile *You don't have to hold the lead as long as you have the courage to come from behind. *to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world *whether you think you can or cant, your right. *life is like a taxi; the meter keeps a-ticking whether your going somewhere or just standing still *the world can be a beautiful fairytale but is of little use to those who can't read it *There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana Happy moments---PRAISE GOD, Difficult moments--- SEEK GOD, Quiet moments-WORSHIP GOD, Painful moments---TRUST GOD, Every moment--- THANK GOD *Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. - Groucho Marx *A diamond cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. - Chinese Proverb *Our birth is nothing but our death begun. - Bishop Hall *“So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.” *Never underestimate the pain of a person because the truth is everyone is struggling. It's just some people hide it better than others. *You were born an original. Don't die a copy. - John Mason *Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back. *I'm not afraid of the gun in my hand, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just afraid of the pain it will bring to see my loved ones crying. *Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. *Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students. *It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. *I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke. *You may live longer than I do, but I will live more. -James McConnell *My life is my message. -Ghandi *Happiness is a direction, not a place. -Syndey J. Harris *Our life is what our thoughts make it. -Marcus Aurelius *A human life is a story told by God. -Hans Christian Andersen *We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa *So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.(Matthew 6:34) *The best thing to hold onto in this world is each other. *Eat well. Stay fit. Die anyway.
the holiday =)
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
Monday, January 25, 2010
how am do you expect me to put off studying?
PEOPLE WRITE SOME NEW POSTS. YOU PROBABLY NEVER COME ON HERE AND THATS WHY YOU DON'T WRITE NEW POSTS, SO THIS MESSAGE WILL BE TOTALLY POINTLESS ANYWAYS BUT IF YOU DO READ THIS KEEP UP YOUR BLOGS CUZ I'M NOSY AND REALLY ENJOY READING THEM :D
Friday, January 22, 2010
I like talking.
Let others lead small lives,
But not you.
Let others argue over small things,
But not you.
Let others cry over small hurts,
But not you.
Let others leave their future
In someone else's hands,
But not you.
The Challenge
by: Jim RohnLet others lead small lives,
But not you.
Let others argue over small things,
But not you.
Let others cry over small hurts,
But not you.
Let others leave their future
In someone else's hands,
But not you.
Just One
Unknown
One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey.
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what's true,
One life can make a difference,
You see, it's up to you!
I'm afraid that I will fight with my parents when I go to stay with them this weekend. I have a feeling there will be tears, from who, I'm not sure yet. I don't want to have me little sister see me like that and I don't want my brother to have to hide in his room. I don't want to be walking the streets in the middle of the night wondering what to do. I also am planning on telling somebody something that definitely will not put a smile on their face. I'm sure that will go over fine. I told her today and was glad that I did.
they're here. should start packing :S
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
GREATNESS
I've had an awesome day. Just thought I'd put that out there. I have to get down to work unfortunatly, 2 hours of homework to do and its already 11.
Things that went awesome for me today:
1)don't think I failed my physics test
2)at least 4 people complemented me on my new haircut : )
3)I thought I was doing bad on the thing I'm working on in art but at least 4 people complemented me on it today
4)spent quality time with my little cousins
5)job interview went well
6)felt like an old pro at coaching soccer today.. gave a good pep-talk
7)worked out this morning, walked to and from school, and took the dog for a half an hour walk
8)went to youth group and had a good talk
9)good weather
10)lots of water and vegies today. a lot of chocolate too.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Chin up Wilber
So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.(Matthew 6:34)
Things have been going fairly awesome for me. Have been for awhile. Sure theres downsides to enough things but theres also up sides : )
This last weekend I went up to my family cabin and did a lot of fun things, I really enjoyed it! Skated on the lake that had frozen over, drove on the highway for the first time (100km/h!!!), had smores and enough food for like 3 people ;D. It was great. I think I had a bit too much thinking time though because I began to feel quite low. I can spiral down fairly fast and my mood turned from bored to bad. It stuck with me when I got back and was even worse yesterday. I've been able to be so positive so far this year and my moods are WAY higher :D It's amazing how much I've grown :D .. Sometimes I get pretty afraid of going back to where I used to be, and yesterday, even this morning, I was afraid that I had 'fallen off the wagon'. I know I'm going to be fine though because I've slowly changed things today and at the moment I'm feeling much better. I don't know if I can explain how big this is for me! :)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
2.5 hours
I'm going off of 2.5 hours of sleep. Woke up at 6am, it is now 12:30. I do not know why I am so silly. I still have to do my physics project. I think I've figured out why I spend so much time online. Yes yes there are the obvious reasons; keep in touch with friends and pass the time. More than that though, I find myself looking for inspiration. It's crazy I know. People look at the wonders of nature to be inspired, and I browse the web. Don't ask me what I mean, I'm half asleep.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
FIRST FOLLOWER
YAY :D Holly read my blog. I am inspired. Okay, maybe she didn't read my blog, but she is now a follower. maybe she'll read them now! yay holly! this will be a good usage of your time :)
i have to pee. but im talking to meh boyfriend on webcam, so ill wait :) i wonder how late ill stay up tonight.
I'm also talking to Holly. She makes me happy. I love her so much. I miss her. I'm talking to Josie too. I miss her as well.
I haven't done my homework yet. Its almost 1 in the morning.
Taylor was brought up. I don't like him. I guess that's okay.
Taylor was brought up. I don't like him. I guess that's okay.
I like that he's not dating Catherine anymore.
I still have to pee. It's 1:15 now.
Alrighty so I went pee. It's now 1:32 in the morning. I also washed my face! and did other stuff. I didnt spent that whole entire time on the toilet.
Well goodnight world. .. or holly ;P
WHATEVER
why did i say that? :S
gah! why isn't he responding!?!!?!? AHHHH!!
oh well.
this is my first blog. im reading a book right now thats a diary, kinda like a blog and it's quite funny. i like reading other people's blogs and people always ask me whats new with me, so why not just keep a blog so i dont have to KEEP REPEATING MYSELF. this is my first blog. im reading a book right now thats a diary, kinda like a blog and it's quite funny. i like reading other people's blogs and people always ask me whats new with me, so why not just keep a blog so i dont have to KEEP REPEATING MYSELF. ;)
though i doubt anyone will read this. it would be cool if you did : ) .. though i say things to some people that i dont say to others... cuz theres some things i dont want some people to know, and some things i want to blab on about with others.
ah well. no one will read this anyways :)
hrm. don't have much to say. this is a bloody good start don't you think?
just enjoying life. perdy much. its good today. well it was good, then bad, and now its good again. but thats cuz im not thinking, as soon as i turn my brain on and start thinking about hwmk then im screwed. but im savouring it for now :) and sneaking chocolate.
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